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Top 50 Songs

(In No Particular Order)

1) Folkloric Feel – Apostle of Hustle
2) Neighborhood # 1 – Arcade Fire
3) Stranger in a Strange Land – U2
4) Your Ex-Lover is Dead - Stars
5) Lovers in a Dangerous Time – Barenaked Ladies
6) Bad / Where the Streets Have No Name (live) – U2
7) Love, Bricks and Guns – Betablokka
8) Hopeless – The Trews
9) Friday I’m in Love – The Cure
10) Helicopter – Bloc Party
11) Letters to God – Boxcar Racer
12) Anthems of a Seventeen Year Old Girl – Broken Social Scene
13) Guilty Cubicles – Broken Social Scene
14) What The Snowman Learned About Love - Stars
15) Pacing the Cage – Bruce Cockburn
16) See You Soon – Coldplay
17) B;lack Swan - Thom Yorke
18) Calendar Girl - Stars
19) Hello, I’m in Delaware – Dallas Green
20) Ashes - Embrace
21) Stay (Wasting Time) – Dave Matthews Band
22) Don’t Waste Your Breath - Pilate
23) Nerves Normal, Breath Normal - Wintersleep
24) Transatlanticism – Death Cab For Cutie
25) We Looked Like Giants – Death Cab For Cutie
26) Croblinst - Wi;lliam Lazarus
27) Gin Soaked Boy – Divine Comedy
28) The District Sleeps Alone Tonight – Postal Service
29) Bittersweet Symphony – The Verve
30) New Planet – Drew
31) Existentialism on Prom Night – Straylight Run
32) Your Hand in Mine – Explosions in the Sky
33) Ahead By A Century – The Tragically Hip
34) High – Feeder
35) This is the Dream of Win and Regine – Final Fantasy
36) Track 3 – From Monuments to Masses
37) Acoustic # 3 – The Goo Goo Dolls
38) How Are You Today – Seize the Day
39) High School – Jeremy Fisher
40) Come On, Teacher – Joel Plaskett
41) Quiet – John Mayer
42) Lola, Stars and Stripes – The Stills
43) Cookie Jar - Jack Johnson
44) I Live to Fall Asleep – The Manic Street Preachers
45) While We Were Hunting Rabbits – Matthew Good Band
46) East Van – Memphis
47) Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse – Minus the Bear
48) Bury Me With It – Modest Mouse
49) An Olive Grove Facing the Sea – Snow Patrol
50) The Protagonist Suddenly Realizes What He Must Do in the Middle of Downtown Traffic – The Most Serene Republic




Top 40 Books

(In No Particular Order)

1) The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
2) The Restaurant at the End of the World – Douglas Adams
3) Life, the Universe and Everything – Douglas Adams
4) So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish – Douglas Adams
5) Mostly Harmless – Douglas Adams
6) The Unauthorized Autobiography – Lemmony Snicket
7) The Bridge - Ian Banks
8) Discworld - Terry Pratchett
9) Silent Boy – Lois Lowry
10) Sabriel – Garth Nix
11) Lireal – Garth Nix
12) Abhorsen – Garth Nix
13) Brave New World - Huxley
14) Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency – Douglas Adams 15) The Long, Dark Tea Time of the Soul – Douglas Adams
16) Gathering Blue – Lois Lowry
17) The Maestro – Tim Whynne Jones
18) The Golden Compass - Philip Pullman
19) The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time – Mark Haddon
20) The Salmon of Doubt – Douglas Adams
21) The Heart is a Sleeping Beauty – Wim Wenders
22) War of the Worlds – H.G Wells
23) The Giver – Lois Lowry
24) Borstal Boy – Brendan Behan
25) Titus Groan – Mervyn Peake
26) Gormenghast – Mervyn Peake
27) The Subtle Knife - Philip Pullman
28) My Dog Skip – Willie Morris
29) I Seem to be a Verb – R. Buckminster Fuller
30) The Little Prince - Exupery
31) The Amber Spyglass - Philip Pullman
32) The Day of the Triffids - Wyndham
33) Confessions of an Irish Rebel – Brendan Behan
34) The Series of Unfortunate Events – Lemmony Snicket
35) Stardust - Neil Gaiman
36) Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
37) Consider Her Ways - John Wyndham
38) The Medium is the Massage – McLuhan and Fiore
39) Complicated Kindness – Miriam Toews
40) To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee




Top 30 Bands

(In No Particular Order)

1) Jack Johnson
2) Arcade Fire
3) Barenaked Ladies
4) Thom Yorke
5) Broken Social Scene
6) Dallas Green
7) Coldplay
8) Death Cab For Cutie
9) Divine Comedy
10) John Mayer
11) The Decemberists
12) Explosions in the Sky
13) Final Fantasy
14) From Monuments to Masses
15) Iron and Wine
16) Wintersleep
17) The Manic Street Preachers
18) Matthew Good Band
19) William Lazarus
20) Minus the Bear
21) Modest Mouse
22) The Most Serene Republic
23) Pilate
24) The Postal Service
25) Snow Patrol
26) Stars
27) The Stills
28) People For Audio
29) Radiohead
30) U2




Top 20 Movies

(In No Particular Order)

1) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
2) Rory O’Shea Was Here
3) Supersize Me
4) Spellbound
5) You and Me and Everyone We Know
6) Million Dollar Hotel
7) Cannes Ad Festival Award Winners 04 / 05
8) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
9) Dr. Strangelove
10) Gattaca
11) Big Fish
12) Go Furthur
13) 28 Days Later
14) Elephant
15) The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
16) Finding Neverland
17) Garden State
18) The Delicate Art of Parking
19) The Corporation
20) Bowling For Columbine




Top 10 Links

(In No Particular Order)

1) www.toothpastefordinner.com
2) www.bbc.co.uk
3) www.pickuphockey.com
4) Scary Parrot
5) www.familyguyquotes.com
6) www.joshbrownphoto.com
7) Wikipedia
8) Rachel’s Blog
9) KD’s Blog
10) Best record label




Top 5 TV Shows

(In No Particular Order)

1) Arrested Development
2) Rick Mercer's Report
3) Futurama / Bromwell High
4) Hockey Night in Canada
5) Doctor Who

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Sunday, March 05, 2006
Ladies and Gentlemen - Mitch Hedberg

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit", as though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I got my hair highlighted, because I thought some strands were more important than others

A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of a minibar, I always decide that I'll go and replace it before they check... but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, "Do you have Coke... in a glass harmonica? ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews?"

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "What?" and turn my head slightly...

I hate flossing. I wish I had one, loonngg, curvy tooth.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. "Goddamn it Otto, you're an alcoholic! Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis! ... one of those two doesn't sound right.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at a car's headlights, and tell you exactly which way it's coming

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitor's coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzeria ... This week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs. Foosball messed up my perception of soccer. I thought you had to kick the ball and then spin 'round and round. I can't do a back flip, much less several... simultaneously with two other guys... that look just like me.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread? That stuff is fancy... it's wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it... I don't need another step between me and toast.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer

I hate dreaming because when you go to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. I go to sleep, and next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord.

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, "Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut! I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under 'D'"

I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

I use the word "totally" too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. "Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches?" "All-encompassingly..." 

My neck is so fragile man, I can't wear a regular neck shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtle necks. Wearing a turtle neck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. If you wear a turtle neck and a backpack it's like a weak midget is trying to bring you down.

I would imagine if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. You'd say "Shut up! I don't understand! 'Share'...'the'...'we'...'too' -- I don't get it!"


Posted at 09:56 am by Dimensions

 

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